I. Words spoken by D'Ange to his /seXteen:
You are my soumise.
I would like to build something with you. I would love to see you every week, on Fridays or Saturdays when I come to Paris, as often as possible.
Slowly, I want you to be mine, that you feel that you belong to me.
And that you will have confidence in my feelings, with time.
You are my Lover, my mistress, my partner, my accomplice on this path.
I'm your man.
We're together, we are a BDSM couple.Can I borrow your keys a little longer? I can keep them?
I live here, it's "our” nest: “our” dungeon.
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II. Thoughts of princess:
Really? Is that all really true??
After four months, (and more than 3000 messages exchanged on Facebook, a hundred emails, and phone calls) I look at you, and I ask myself: who are you, really?
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Construction/deconstruction
“I am who I am”
Addictive sexual compulsion.
Maybe I was right to not take him seriously in the beginning.
I think you're a “player”, not a “Master”, you don't master anything.
Can a soumise take her role more seriously than her Maître?
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III. Words written by /seXteen to D'Ange:
What I don't understand, is your “desire” to create a “couple” with me, and then to escape from it.
I would like to believe in your words, your feelings. I started to believe in them.
But why “construct” to then “deconstruct”, or “flee”?
Why take the keys to “our” nest, if you don't want to stay?
You wanted me to have confidence in your feelings, that I was yours, little by little… and when I gave myself, offered myself, your impulse was to go “elsewhere”, to this “elsewhere” that you built in parallel, at the same time as “us”, perhaps with the same words.
As if you were stifling in our relationship, that you built of your own accord.
And then, that I must accept everything, because “I am who I am”.
As soon as you brought your toothbrush and razor here, it was too much for you. I thought I was your “elsewhere” from your marriage, but suddenly I became the "couple” from which you must escape. That's what I don't understand, because if it's like that, it's without end. After awhile, you'll need to escape from the third person also.
There will be always an “elsewhere”, somewhere.
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IV. Words written by D'Ange to his /seXteen:
The refusal to make a choice, and trying to find a third way, the desire to be Mikael Blomkvist.
I was the one who wanted us to be “together”, because I cannot do sessions, just sessions; all the more so with you, because there is “something special” between you and me, in our BDSM relationship.
Contradictory impulses, and you're trying to understand…
I do not "demand” this of you.
I “ask” your heart to accept me with another woman in my life.
My /seXteen, I don't function with “exclusivity”, it is not my nature.
What I'm trying to tell you is that the structure of an “official couple”, in conformity, in normality, doesn't work for me.
The feeling of needing to breathe fresh air, to escape, becomes urgent.
I don't want to lose you, my /seXteen, especially after what we've already experienced together, in BDSM as in feelings; so rather than jumping on everything that moves like I did before, perhaps this situation, this triangle, will "calm" me, I don't know.
I am a loner, (no rules, no plans), however you offer a stability to me (our Fridays, our dungeon, my razor there, your keys… ) that I like and which attracts me.
But I know that it's “unstable”, that there is something that always pushes me to leave the “couple”; my analysis isn't finished, or so it seems.
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V. Thoughts of princess
Since he's married, he's obviously in a "couple”… I would like him to explain that gymnastic to me…
I leave room here for D'Ange, if he wishes to explain.
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VI. Words written by /seXteen to D'Ange:
In May, that you cleaned out your FB contacts and your other relationships, only leaving yourself a “delicacy”, led me to believe (at least it was my interpretation) that I was your soumise, and that from time to time you let yourself “taste" a “delicacy”. But not that you were going to take a second soumise, install her, and parade with her in public, without telling me.
And the leitmotiv being “I am who I am”, so that you could have your cake and eat it too, for your pleasure.
But as I already wrote you, I find that it's without end, you will want to escape “elsewhere” at some point from her (or another, it doesn't really matter), and so on, Mad Dog.
I think that what was good between us is in the past, for the simple reason that I do not believe you any more. I don't trust what you say to me anymore, nor in your feelings, as you changed them halfway. It's not a question being able to “stand it” or not, it's the fact that it wasn't said beforehand, it's not honest, and I don't trust you any more. And if I no longer trust you, I can't give myself entirely, offer myself entirely, like before, because I no longer believe in “our” future. It's gotten too complicated for me. Wanting something deeper, with real sharing, and a sustainable complicity… I need many proofs of love, exactly!!
For the rest, I'll keep the good memories, and I'll go “elsewhere”.
photo © SpyPrincesse 2012
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