The manifestation of my desire

I've been "angry” with men for a while.

Swept up in the intensity of my relationship with Charlotte, as well as my work, I did not want to "bother” with a man, and I put my sexuality on hold for a long time.
But this winter my loneliness resurfaced, and I started to open to the idea of meeting someone.

To encourage my vision of a Man who could enter my life, I began a list (non conclusive) of a dozen men that I knew, of ex-lovers or friends, who had qualities that I like in a man, to create a more positive image in my mind.
I projected my vision into my aura, even if I thought of it only once in a while, reading my list again to motivate me.
“With long hair, mid-length," I added one day, for fun, while thinking of one of my ex-lovers.

At the same time, a certain D'Ange Heureux Poète contacted me on Facebook, sometimes sending me one of his erotic texts to catch my attention, having read my blog.
I did not take him seriously at all — as far as I knew, he could be twenty years old.

One evening, he sent me his story on clamps, the memory of his first experience with a woman who was trying it for the first time. His experience touched me, and I answered him, by telling him of my attraction for clamps on my tits since I was about nine years old.
We “played” a little by private messages, creating a connection between us.
And afterwards, I forgot about him…

Before Christmas, he wrote me again, but I left for Morocco, without answering.
I only discovered later that his hair was long.

***

Mid-January he contacted me once again. I remembered him, of the playful exchange that we'd had, not much more.
And then, he sent a story to me which began “Last night I dreamed of you…," an erotic story with candle play, and I thought it was about me, but in fact it was an amalgam of several women.
Did he do it on purpose to catch my interest?
I was curious to know who this rascal was, if he was twenty years old or not.
“What do you look like?” , I asked him, “Dark hair? ”
In response, he sent me three photographs… and I discovered a good-looking tall dark-haired man around forty, with long hair!

Then he reminded me of a supposed lunch date we had on Saturday, February 4… pure fabrication, but a way to meet me.

Why not, I said myself, it didn't hurt to meet him, and after all it was just a lunch.
I waited in a café close to home, near the subway, in this so glacial winter, with my small fur collar around my neck.
From time to time, I looked for him thru the window. When I saw him, taller than I imagined, I quickly turned around so that he wouldn't see me, thinking to myself that I was done for, I was lost in advance before this man, the manifestation of my desire.