Sunday, February 20, 2011

Reconstruction


As I arrived, I felt centered and serene, with only love in my heart.
I had been afraid to see anger or hatred in her eyes, but sweetness was there when she came in the door.
A tender embrace, then we each circulated separately. Allowing space.

Much later, I went to speak with her as she stood at the bar. We went upstairs to find a corner to have a private talk.
Openness of heart, beyond what I had expected, as the friends she'd talked to had told me it was over.
Now, she said the door wasn't closed.
For me, neither my feelings nor my commitment had changed, because I love Her.
She had taken me further than any other on this path —a wondrous thing, her energy, her being— and it's been one of the most beautiful relationships of my life.

The foundation is our friendship.

If she had wanted to change the relationship to a stricto sensu BDSM, I would have complied to Her discipline. Instead, she proposed that we be as equals, co-creators of the relationship, as she felt that my personality needs to imprint our relationship.
Although she offered me the freedom to play with others, that's not what I seek. I don't need to be a free electron like I've been in the past in moments between relationships. I truly desire to belong to her, to be possessed.

She also said that if I were to meet a Maitre & wanted to go with him, she would be ok with that. But my comment about wanting a Master had been just to provoke her. I don't see that happening now (although I could consider taking a lover in my private life, non BDSM).

We had each made mistakes.

Now, taking away the tags for the time being, taking up the path again, slowly, to reconstruct.

Lady Labyrinth : the name she gave me, her collar, her bague d'Ô, are put aside until if and when she decides it's appropriate to bring them out again.

Tears ran down my cheeks, as this was more than I had hoped after this agonizing month of regret & suffering.

Reconstructing, finding our way.
Offering and sharing.

Thank you my Charlotte !

2 comments:

doll said...

It is a wonderful gift to meet and begin again as equals. Although you want to belong to her she is requiring you to stand with her in a balanced position so that you can both develop the relationship rather than you being a heavy weight that she has to carry. Our gift of submission can be a burden.

princesse.x said...

Doll,
Perhaps I've mis-interpreted her words... but I do like the concept !
Your thoughts are always so pertinent.
I agree with you that our gift can be a burden at times. Especially when I don't realize it !
xo***