This is only a small section !
I am an inveterate pack-rat. I also absolutely hate to clean, mainly because I have so much stuff, besides the fact that there's so much else I'd rather do, especially just lolling around —but when I finally get motivated, I do a very thorough job.
I've been overwhelmed by the task for the last year & a half —the absolute physical weight of it— and so I basically did nothing, allowing my space to become drab, dreary, almost a dump. Embarrassed, I didn't invite people over, except the occasional strays. Something had to be done !
I can be very slow to evolve & change, working deeply on things/issues until there's a break-through & then things can move very quickly.
When my son moved out 4 years ago, I had a hard time psychologically taking his room for my own. First, it was still filled with his stuff, then later with my stuff. Various mishaps of furniture acquisition left me in despair of ever sorting things out. Exhausted, I just let it be.
Now he's married, the umbilical cord is cut. I realized the time had come to really concentrate on reconstructing my life in ways I had dreamed. I was free to do what I wanted, within the limits of a financial mess that's still being untangled.
I took the plunge, moving things around, sorting things out. Mainly my books, making piles of books to sell. The rest, going thru them one by one, finding old friends, remembering past moments. And re-organizing by themes : typography & graphics with typography & graphics, comics with comics... metaphysics, travel, self-help, yoga, cooking, etc etc all re-united.
Being a pack-rat, every space is used — pieces of paper slipped in between books like prayers in the Wailing Wall. Needless to say, the mining is rich & dense. One corner can take a whole afternoon. Besides cleaning all the dust ...
Garbage bags filled to the brim, taken down to be thrown away forever.
And little by little, finding encouragement, reuniting parts of myself again, peace with the past, a clearer vision ... and a growing feeling of a future taking shape.
The newness coming from meeting M. An invitation into my home, I want him to feel at ease here & very welcomed.
Things are beginning to sparkle & shine again. The furniture smells of beeswax. There still is so much to be done, but it's a good start.
Can I show you my collection of empty boxes ?
I've been overwhelmed by the task for the last year & a half —the absolute physical weight of it— and so I basically did nothing, allowing my space to become drab, dreary, almost a dump. Embarrassed, I didn't invite people over, except the occasional strays. Something had to be done !
I can be very slow to evolve & change, working deeply on things/issues until there's a break-through & then things can move very quickly.
When my son moved out 4 years ago, I had a hard time psychologically taking his room for my own. First, it was still filled with his stuff, then later with my stuff. Various mishaps of furniture acquisition left me in despair of ever sorting things out. Exhausted, I just let it be.
Now he's married, the umbilical cord is cut. I realized the time had come to really concentrate on reconstructing my life in ways I had dreamed. I was free to do what I wanted, within the limits of a financial mess that's still being untangled.
I took the plunge, moving things around, sorting things out. Mainly my books, making piles of books to sell. The rest, going thru them one by one, finding old friends, remembering past moments. And re-organizing by themes : typography & graphics with typography & graphics, comics with comics... metaphysics, travel, self-help, yoga, cooking, etc etc all re-united.
Being a pack-rat, every space is used — pieces of paper slipped in between books like prayers in the Wailing Wall. Needless to say, the mining is rich & dense. One corner can take a whole afternoon. Besides cleaning all the dust ...
Garbage bags filled to the brim, taken down to be thrown away forever.
And little by little, finding encouragement, reuniting parts of myself again, peace with the past, a clearer vision ... and a growing feeling of a future taking shape.
The newness coming from meeting M. An invitation into my home, I want him to feel at ease here & very welcomed.
Things are beginning to sparkle & shine again. The furniture smells of beeswax. There still is so much to be done, but it's a good start.
Can I show you my collection of empty boxes ?
2 comments:
My oldest child has just finished school and begun work. Suddenly I can see my emergence from mothering coming very close. Little whispers of concern at the gap that will open up in my life when that day comes sneak their way into my consciousness and unsettle me.
I can understand why it has been a slow process for you to move things in his room and begin to take it as your space.
Hello Doll,
Thank you for stopping by & leaving a comment.
It's amazing to what subconscious depth our mothering takes us ! I've found that little by little, new freedoms opened up for me — I'm sure that you will find this too !
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