I'm positively phobic about needles - always have been. To see one, or even to think about it makes me queasy, weak in the knees. At movies, whenever there's a needle, especially a close-up of the needle piercing the skin into a vein, I cover me eyes, I can't look.
You're fascinated with medical instruments : needles, scalpels etc. You ask me to overcome my fears, to overcome my phobia, at least the time of a session together.
You allow me to wear my blindfold, and you check in with me to gauge my emotions.
The scene is set with bright light, a black vinyl sheet on the floor, my head on a pillow. Naked & vulnerable, trusting. Opening to the unknown.
After disinfecting my skin, your fingers gently search my skin, feeling for the spot to place the first needle.
I feel it piercing my skin, but after the initial pain of entry, it doesn't hurt. I must admit that I've felt greater pain, and that it's the idea more than the fact, psychological over the physical.
"Normally, you should feel/hear a crackle", you tell me.
"A crackle isn't exactly how I would describe it", I reply. But it's too soon to find the words. "
As you place the others, I can feel your excitement, the quickening of your breath. You check in on me from time to time to make sure I'm ok.
I don't move. But inside my mask, my eyes begin to see images, just like in meditation. Blue light, a dark corridor with a door frame, a yellow third eye watching from a far. Emotionally, I cringe with each new needle, tensing, slightly queasy... then controlling this emotion by relaxing, using some meditation and breath techniques.
Visions of acupuncture, the vision of these needles in my flesh by your hand, feeling pinned.
I flow in and out of my body, brought back by your voice, or by another needle.
Slowly they begin to radiate a subtle pain that I can't yet describe.
On each breast you pierce one more slowly, making me moan. Later you tell me that these were the most sadistic of your needles, the ones that take their time.
"You have ten needles in your breasts", you annonce, and we let them radiate their subtle pain.
You've taken photos at different stages, and now you photograph your work.
I'm beginning to wonder how it will feel as the needles are extracted. "C'est une sensation toute a fait particuliere", you tell me.
One by one you gently withdraw them, some more slowly.
The sensation of the absence of the metal in my flesh, almost more intense than the penetration. Feeling the subtle pain of this sensation.
Cold drafts of air moving over the floor make me shiver.
You wipe the few drops of blood with a sterile compress, then disinfect my breasts.
I remove my mask, coming back into the bright light, coming back from very far away, back into your reality.
You're positively radiant !
I warm up in my sweat-shirt, adjusting emotionally to my first needles.
We speak of the psychological and intellectual factors of these medical sessions, and your love of them. Next would have been the instruments, but that will progressively be another time.
I thought I would feel queasy looking at the photos, but I was struck by their stark beauty. Their plastic ends a light aqua-marine, your favorite color, like jewels.
Thank you, my Charlotte, for this new experience that I will surely come to love in your hands !
You're fascinated with medical instruments : needles, scalpels etc. You ask me to overcome my fears, to overcome my phobia, at least the time of a session together.
You allow me to wear my blindfold, and you check in with me to gauge my emotions.
The scene is set with bright light, a black vinyl sheet on the floor, my head on a pillow. Naked & vulnerable, trusting. Opening to the unknown.
After disinfecting my skin, your fingers gently search my skin, feeling for the spot to place the first needle.
I feel it piercing my skin, but after the initial pain of entry, it doesn't hurt. I must admit that I've felt greater pain, and that it's the idea more than the fact, psychological over the physical.
"Normally, you should feel/hear a crackle", you tell me.
"A crackle isn't exactly how I would describe it", I reply. But it's too soon to find the words. "
As you place the others, I can feel your excitement, the quickening of your breath. You check in on me from time to time to make sure I'm ok.
I don't move. But inside my mask, my eyes begin to see images, just like in meditation. Blue light, a dark corridor with a door frame, a yellow third eye watching from a far. Emotionally, I cringe with each new needle, tensing, slightly queasy... then controlling this emotion by relaxing, using some meditation and breath techniques.
Visions of acupuncture, the vision of these needles in my flesh by your hand, feeling pinned.
I flow in and out of my body, brought back by your voice, or by another needle.
Slowly they begin to radiate a subtle pain that I can't yet describe.
On each breast you pierce one more slowly, making me moan. Later you tell me that these were the most sadistic of your needles, the ones that take their time.
"You have ten needles in your breasts", you annonce, and we let them radiate their subtle pain.
You've taken photos at different stages, and now you photograph your work.
I'm beginning to wonder how it will feel as the needles are extracted. "C'est une sensation toute a fait particuliere", you tell me.
One by one you gently withdraw them, some more slowly.
The sensation of the absence of the metal in my flesh, almost more intense than the penetration. Feeling the subtle pain of this sensation.
Cold drafts of air moving over the floor make me shiver.
You wipe the few drops of blood with a sterile compress, then disinfect my breasts.
I remove my mask, coming back into the bright light, coming back from very far away, back into your reality.
You're positively radiant !
I warm up in my sweat-shirt, adjusting emotionally to my first needles.
We speak of the psychological and intellectual factors of these medical sessions, and your love of them. Next would have been the instruments, but that will progressively be another time.
I thought I would feel queasy looking at the photos, but I was struck by their stark beauty. Their plastic ends a light aqua-marine, your favorite color, like jewels.
Thank you, my Charlotte, for this new experience that I will surely come to love in your hands !
photo © Miss Charlotte
